words that we couldn't say
by The DayDreaming
Summary: "I'll come back, so don't cry. This isn't goodbye forever." He dreams of Touya. But unlike before, Touya does not stare quietly and accept his fate. He runs, and N follows. – NxTouya, implied Originalshipping


**Title:** Words that We Couldn't Say

**Author:** The DayDreaming

**Summary:**_"I'll come back, so don't cry. This isn't goodbye forever."_ He dreams of Touya. But unlike before, Touya does not stare quietly and accept his fate. He runs, and N follows. – NxTouya, implied Originalshipping

_This is not a sad story. This is a story about finding who we are._

**x.~O~.x**

Winter is beautiful and sad, N decides. Even as the world falls asleep to dream, he remains awake and shivering, each breath a shuddering cloud. The evergreens creak in the wind, a howl that slinks into the night hovering sweetly above Lake Acuity.

Not for the first time, he feels his heart tighten and his throat itch. The cold seeps through his clothes and stiffens the skin around his eyes, and for a moment, he hopes that maybe he'll freeze solid, eyes open wide to stare at the starry sky. He cannot think of a more beautiful death in this quiet lull, the scent of pine clouding his thoughts and Zoroark's fur wrapping him in a shroud.

"Zoroark…?"

The slight shift in his companion's body, slung around him as it is, gives him enough indication to continue.

"What do you think…he's doing right now?"

Zoroark snorts, _"Probably sleeping in a center. Warm, and not in snow, you know."_

He smiles. As a Zorua, the other had been more reserved and timid, but with evolution came confidence, and the shift had brought a fascinating change in his demeanor. He can't help but laugh, and the warm body around him shudders in a silent guffaw. With as much bravado as Zoroark puts on, he is still the loyal, good-natured friend that N has always known.

"I just…want to think that maybe…maybe…," he trails off. Perhaps it's the cold, or the tiredness in his bones, melted and stiff from a long day of walking, but he can't find the words to keep going.

Zoroark laughs again, this time a wheezing chuckle that ekes out in breathy pants, _"You have got it bad, N. Do you wish he would stare up into the sky in longing, thinking of you? Are you hoping that maybe he might dream of you tonight? Or maybe, that he'll…"_

"Zoroark!"

N turns and gapes. The other laughs louder and can only barely squeeze out, _"So…you_were_thinking about…it!"_

He blushes and stutters, and thinks that perhaps he isn't as clever as he once thought he was. But it's okay, he thinks to himself. Because he is never one to deny the truth (Reshiram is proof enough for that).

Winter is sad and beautiful. It is a time of quiet in the night and words on frozen tongues and people separated in a small world by fragile ice, falling swiftly and silently in the dark.

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_Touya smiles._

"_So you came back?" he asks, and some part of N deigns to feel guilty._

_N had left him, a frightened kid in the aftermath of a battle between legends. Even if Touya had never said it at the time, never said much of anything, really, there was that look of fear in his eyes._

_Touya had had to fight his madman of a father alone, and watched as the one with all the answers disappeared into the light. N had broken that day, his truth crippled and torn beyond repair; but Touya and his dreams had shattered. How do ideals of a world where everyone can find a way to be happy together stand against the reality that one of the purest people he knew was merely the naïve puppet of a power-hungry schemer? That there lurked within everyone the ability to hurt and crush and lie?_

_One of N's greatest regrets is not realizing that Touya…may not have had any more dreams left to realize. May have never had them to begin with, or found one on his path in the world._

_All Touya could do to keep up with him was run; Touya, who had at first walked at his own pace and who couldn't read a map for the life of him. Who smiled at strangers and never asked for trouble. By the end, N can't remember ever seeing him smile, or laugh._

_So to see him smile now…N cannot help but notice how old and tired Touya seems._

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.

He finds Hoenn unbearably hot, though Reshiram enjoys itself immensely. More often than not, it chooses to remain outside of its pokeball and lay out in the sun. Lilycove is not the most ideal place for this, but he's managed to find a secluded spot away from swimmers and beach-goers alike, where they cannot gawk and point and crowd around the majestic beast (Lilycove will forever and always be full of rabid contest-lovers, always looking out for the next rising star).

He contemplates his next move on the chessboard laid out on the sandy rock beside him, trying not to snicker at his opponent's smug face. Zoroark thinks himself a clever strategist, having put N's white queen on the ropes, but he's never had an eye for detail, and will be sorely disappointed when N's knight takes his attacking bishop by surprise.

The old fishing rod sitting idly in his lap slips a bit. The decrepit thing can only really lure out Magikarp from the depths. As much as he enjoys conversing with pokemon, N finds the creatures rather vexing, in that they tend to spout random nonsense, and an unhealthy amount of death threats that they cannot follow through on in their current useless and floppy state. The meat-eaters in his party enjoy the taste of the creature immensely, though, so he continues to catch them and throw them over to Reshiram and Archeops. The only other creatures he had seen with such unhealthy amounts of repressed rage were the region's Cascoons.

N wonders idly to himself what kind of person that fisherman was, passing off his old, useless equipment to him.

Would Touya have accepted the fisherman's gift? He remembers the other once saying how people always seemed to give stuff to him out of the blue. He also remembers how the other said that because he didn't like talking much, others always spoke for him and made decisions without his consent.

"_It's like…people always assume they know…what I want. I get a little mad sometimes."_

N bites his lip and thinks for the millionth time about how he'd done the very same thing. How could he believe himself better than other humans?

He shifts his knight forward to capture the open bishop on the board without much thought. Mossdeep city is a day's travel by sea. It's the city with the famous Space Center, a place where humans can reach the stars. He can't help but think about how much Touya would enjoy seeing it, how happy he would be. Touya, after all, is a child who has always looked up.

It's not until he registers the delighted snorts of his faithful companion that he realizes the checkmate Zoroark has proceeded to place his defenseless king in.

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.

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"_I missed you."_

_It falls from his lips without warning, a message N himself hadn't realized until this very moment, faced with Touya's back as the other stands in the burnt remains of the White Forest._

_He's surprised that he means every word. But maybe he shouldn't be. After all, Touya is his first and only human friend._

"_I missed you, too," Touya says. His voice seems small and brittle in the silence, and holds an edge of roughness, like he hasn't spoken for a long time. In his hands is a singed and burnt Budew. As much as N wants to believe that it will pull through, he knows that it is a lost cause. Already he can see its dying breaths._

_It lets out the smallest moan, and Touya runs his fingers along its wilted face._

"_It's cruel…how even a place like this…so clean and beautiful…can have bad things happen…"_

_Touya is crying, and for the life of him, N cannot decide on what to do. Does he let nature take its course, or allow the creature's suffering to be prolonged at a center before it reaches its inevitable end?_

"_N, I don't know what to do," Touya mutters, shoulders hunched in towards his spine, the charred, dense atmosphere closing in on him like an unbearable weight._

_The White Forest was one of the last untouched places in Unova, a land where pokemon and people could come together and live in peace. Unfortunately, the region had suffered through a severe drought in the scorching summer months. It was almost a foregone conclusion that the forest would catch fire._

_The wildfire had been so severe, though…It had come, swift and relentless. There was no time for escape._

_N wants desperately to spout his coveted facts and figures, about how fire is natural, a way to breathe new life into an overpopulated forest, but he doesn't have the heart; not when he has to watch fingers coated in ash wipe away sooty tears._

"_I've waited…all this time…to talk to you. I…have so many things to say, and yet…all I can think right now is how unfair it all is…that you might be gone again," the other turns to him. The despondency he thought he might see emanating from Touya's eyes is absent; instead, a look of determination has taken root. "I'm going to try. No matter what you say." The words,_I'll save it_, go unsaid._

_N can only nod. He has no right to object. He forfeited that right when he ran away from the past and future locked away in a crumbling castle. Somehow, it feels as though Touya is talking about something other than the pokemon in his hands._

_He smiles, and holds out his hand, "I'll see you there."_

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.

At the top of the Sky Pillar, there is a pile of papers. They are crumpled and stained, their edges no longer crisp and clean. On each are written the words of the travelers who left them there, smudged and faded, but still embedded deeply.

Some speak of their journeys, each and every step a struggle. Some tell of dreams yet unfulfilled. Others merely say goodbye.

The very first one N reads resonates the most deeply, though. The paper is fresh, the scrawl still new. It is a plea to the gods; to anyone, really.

N finds the notion of leaving wishes in a cold and lonely tower foolish. How desperate these people must have been, believing a feeble myth that a heartfelt prayer to the skies would possibly bring them fortune. If they climb high enough, humans will believe in anything.

And yet, why is he crying? The paper clenched in his fist, littered in tears, feels like a light, feathery thing that could break any moment. N wants to believe that he's holding the other's heart, and that thought suddenly brings about the realization that each and every memento left in this tower is the small, beating heart of a person that had once stood and breathed the very same air as he, felt the burning of cold in their lungs and heard the howl of giants shrieking through the rafters.

He understands.

He goes about writing a confession. He is honest and leaves only the truth behind, and with each and every stroke he feels himself growing a little lighter, until at last he has filled pages and pages with an inner universe of his own memory. He wishes Touya could see this, read how very much N adores him and know how deeply he wishes to apologize.

He is cold and stiff when he finally rises, ready to leave behind his admission and move ahead once more. He steps forward and catches sight of that one particular letter, slightly crumpled and tear-stained.

_I used to think that writing letters was useless. It seemed like a waste of time, but somehow, it relieves me to hold something real in my hands. Something that can't be erased._

_I think that somewhere along my journey, I realized that I would die someday. It feels like a lot of my life was focused on finding a purpose, but here I am, older and wiser and still without a reason to keep living. At one point, I thought I had found it in someone who seemed to understand me, but then…well, I learned that no one can ever truly understand anyone else._

_That person asked me if I had any dreams. I wanted to tell him no, but some part of me didn't want to disappoint him anymore._

_I lied, and if he ever knew the truth, I think he would hate me._

_I tried so hard to keep going. Even as every step I took became painful and unwilling, I followed him; chased him. Chased everyone. Just as I realized that I would one day die, I also realized that I would forever have to look at everyone's back as they left me behind and raced toward their futures. They always told me how amazing I was, how naturally fighting came to me. But nothing else did. And I could see in my friends' eyes a kind of jealousy._

_But maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe it was me who was jealous, in the end. To me, it felt like they had it so easy, knowing what goals they wanted to achieve and how to get there. They shoved all of the hard stuff on me. It was me who had to go on a journey so I could remain by my friends' sides, at least spiritually; and me, who had to fight and fight, and fight some more because they told me it was my responsibility as a strong trainer._

_I wanted to give in, so badly. I still do. I haven't found it yet, a reason to keep moving forward on my own. I know Zekrom is beside me because of my ideals, but…_

…_sometimes, I wish I had never left home. That way, it wouldn't hurt so much. I wouldn't have all these scars, and this emptiness in my chest._

_I want to talk so badly to that person. I want to tell him everything, and even if he hates me, at least he'll know the truth. Know that I'm not a good person._

_But I won't. I'm too much of a coward to voice anything on my own. What can I do?_

_All I can think of is to keep searching. I know that the answers won't fall out of the sky, but I have nothing left._

_So Gods, please. Please, listen to my plea. I don't want fame or fortune, or eternal life or power. Please, just show me a way. Let me find a reason to move forward, so that I can say to that person, when we meet again, that I have a dream._

_That I have not lived in vain._

He smiles, and writes, **I'll see you there.**

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.

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_Under the blinding luminescence of the Pokemon center's lights, Touya looks dark and wilted. The brim of his cap is frayed and his clothes faded, the smears of dust and soot dulling any leftover color. His hair is frizzed and just a little too long under the ragged hat, which frames the sickly pallor of his face; dark bags beneath his lids blend into the shadow of the brim, deepening his eyes into blank chasms._

_In his hands is a comparatively shinier pokeball, red top reflecting his sullen form. N wants to sit next to the other, as casually as two friends that have only been away for a week, or maybe clasp his shoulder and tell him everything is okay, or even maybe hold his hand—_

_But he doesn't do anything of the sort. He stands in front of Touya, awkward and tall as a giant standing before a mouse. Because in the end, the thought strikes him suddenly, they are merely two strangers that have fought under the pretense of friends and brothers and oh Arceus_rivals_. And yet they know nothing about each other._

_He has the sudden urge to ask Touya what his favorite color is, when he was born (oh gods he doesn't even know how old he is), whether he prefers oran or sitrus berries, and so on, but the impulse sinks as Touya lifts his head._

_Touya has always had the strange ability to either command a room's attention with his words, or be completely invisible. His sentences come soft and light, hit and miss, but every word is a star that N wants to keep in his pocket._

"_They say she might make it," are the first words from his mouth, and for some reason N is a little disappointed that they are. But then he feels ashamed at that thought, so he shoves it aside and listens. "Is it selfish of me to be happy? Did I…do the right thing? Because…they told me that there was…uh, high risk…for debilitation. Meaning that she'll live…but she'll suffer for it…"_

_There is an honest confliction in Touya's eyes, one N has seen countless times before, but only now understands is the inner turmoil of a battle of morals. Let the pokemon die, or let it suffer. Release the pokemon and be alone, or keep them by his side, and possibly cage them in. Fight N, or allow tragedy to befall Unova._

"_I don't think there is a right answer," which is something totally different from what N would have said a few months prior. But now he has the understanding that the world cannot be made into blacks and whites of purest shades, that truth is a multi-faceted beast. "But, just know that I support the decision you made."_

_Touya's face visibly perks up at this news, and N wishes that his words of support didn't cause such an effect (because it means that somehow, Touya is under the impression that N disapproves of everything he does)._

"_I hear that…they're planning on building a city…next to the White Forest," Touya says, out of the blue, with a funny twitch to his mouth like he's not quite sure he likes the flavor of a new food. "It'll be huge…like Castelia."_

"_How unfortunate," N replies, and can't help a snort of disgust. Touya's lips twitch again, but this time into a smile. It trembles, watery and thin, but it's the best that he can muster, and no matter what it still makes N weak._

"_You didn't change," he breathes. "I thought…that maybe…what happened with Ghetsis would—but you didn't. Maybe a little bit…but you're still_you_. I'm glad."_

_Touya tightens his hold on the pokeball in his hands, dirty nails sliding along the metallic face, "I'll be here for a week, to wait for Budew. And then…meet me at the docks in Castelia, in 8 days."_

_He stands and pockets the ball in his jacket. "I've needed…to talk to you. Just the two of us, with no distractions."_

_And what can N do against that smile but agree?_

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.

At the very top of the Bell Tower in Johto, N finds a patch of scorch marks among the pristine, if only slightly chipped and faded, roof tiles. Ashes engrain themselves to the floor, and as he sweeps his palm across, they leave a tingling sensation in their wake, an immense power resonating within.

If he looks up and across he can see far into the distance, Johto's lush and fertile lands blooming in front of him. The air in this land is different, tasting like sweet, fresh fruit on his tongue and summer days spent rolling in the grass; but, atop the tower, he can smell nothing but remnants of fire and wet air.

From what he's heard, a great bird of legend used to perch upon this tower, believed to awaken pokemon with its powers. The towers of Ecruteak were built to foster friendship and hope between humankind and pokemon, but when the Brass Tower to the west burned down, Ho-Oh, the great guardian of the skies, took to the heavens in search of a trainer pure of heart. Those that manage to catch a glimpse of its sacred form are granted fortune and happiness in its wake.

It's a sad and beautiful story, one that N wishes he could research upon more. The very idea that such a great creature lived with humans and accepted their offering of companionship amazes and fascinates him to no end, but he knows his priorities. He wonders if _he_ has been here and felt the ashes upon his own fingertips, and wondered if he could ever have a chance to see such a beast.

He gives one last sweep of the area and catches sight of something flashing caught on the very edge of the wooden platform. It's a feather, ragged from wind and weather, but still breathtakingly beautiful as it flashes a rainbow of colors.

What kind of pokemon could leave this behind, he wonders (he rakes his brain for any recollection of the pokemon index section of the traveler's guide he had briefly skimmed through, but no such luck), but decides it best to just keep it. It's so wonderfully light, he can barely bring himself to put it away in his bag.

And just as he stands, he catches perhaps the briefest glimpse of a pair of rainbow-colored wings, weaving across the sky.

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_The very first time N sees Touya, it is in the fading light of a warm summer day, sprinkled in reds and blues as the sun fades. He has his eyes turned forward and an ear to his blunt friend, who speaks disdainfully of Ghetsis' recent public speech._

_N remembers how he had quickly assumed the other would agree with the boy; but he merely chews his lip uncertainly and turns his head to the oshawatt on his shoulder. As though he can find his answers in that young creature's stare, and for the very briefest moment N holds the hope that there is another just like himself. But no. Touya merely grimaces at the creature and utters, "I would…be very lonely…would you?"_

_N will always remember what that oshawatt said to his trainer, despite their bond being so new and small._

"Don't worry. I'll always stay with you, so you never feel lonely. I promise, okay?"

_It touches the other's cheek, and that is the first time N has ever seen Touya smile. It dazzles him, the way it gleams, like the tiniest sprout emerging from the dark and blooming into a decadent flower._

"_I promise to stay with you for as long as you'll have me, Oshawatt," he says in return to his partner's gentle cooing. It is almost disappointing to see that smile fade away as the other looks back at the dimming sky, face contemplative._

_N believes that it is there, on that warm summer evening, that his inherent fascination with the boy known as Touya began. With a promise and a smile._

_From there, N learns that Touya doesn't smile often, at least not truly. A strategy the other utilizes is a confident, smiling mask during battle; a perfect poker face. Brilliant in the effect that his opponent never knows he's discouraged or has a plan, and his pokemon are always bolstered to fight at their best._

_But the instances that Touya truly smiles outside of battle dwindled and dwindled, each and every time N met him along his journey. Until he no longer smiled at all._

_Standing beside Touya now though, he can tell that it's different, this smile stitched onto his face, so glued and molded together that N wonders if the other has stolen someone else's lips._

_The sunsets at Castelia are fantastic, especially looking out to the open sea, where slices of light glitter blithely across the surface, shivering along into the distance. It reminds him of that very first day where he came to face his downfall (for that is everything that Touya is, his downfall and his greatest regret; but he never forgets that Touya is his greatest salvation as well—the one who never ran away). They languish quietly in the simmering heat of the dwindling summer, minds wandering to days spent frittered away on hazy dreams and words left unsaid._

"_Do you remember the day we met?" Touya finally asks, eyes trained on the horizon where the sun is only just beginning to meet the sea. "I remember it clear as anything." His voice is unwavering and without pause, and N figures that it's rehearsed._

"_Yes," he replies evenly, mind fluttering through all the possibilities this conversation could end in. "You were there in the crowd after Ghetsis spoke. And that oshawatt said something interesting. Something amazing, really."_

"_What…did he say?" Touya mumbles, suddenly put off-track from his lines._

"_It's not for me to tell, but I think you already know," N twitches his mouth and almost wants to laugh at the little lost frown on Touya's face, the stitched smile lowering for a mere second._

"…_Maybe I do," he finally concedes. He turns to face N, false smile dropped in favor of a neutral look, a blank slate. But his eyes are fervid, alight with fire in the dying light._

"_N, I…I…," he fumbles around, trying to grasp his words and rein them in. He takes a deep breath and plows ahead. "You…gave me a lot of time to think about…a lot of things…_

"_And I think, more than anything, I wanted you to come back. You were…the first person who…ever really understood me. I want to thank you, N."_

"…_why?" N wants to look Touya in the eyes, really, but all he can see is the flare of the sun as the other steps in front of him. It's blinding, suffocating; a grip of fear lashes itself to his heart, a bubbling paranoia that things will never be the same after this. "I should be thanking you! I should be apologizing! You don't know how sorry I am, Touya, really—!"_

"_N!" and it's one of those moments where he can hear Touya louder than anything against the crashing of the waves and distant laughter. He doesn't realize he's moved forward to take Touya's hands in his own until the other squeezes his palms, sweaty and trembling._

"_N…," the brim of Touya's cap peaks down and casts a shadow deeper than the night, a veil. "N…somehow…through everything…you've become my very closest friend. That's why I want to thank you. I always felt different from everyone, even when I was with my sister and Cheren and Bianca…like I was a little kid trying to fit in with my sister's friends…but you…_

"_You made me feel like I matter. You made me believe that no matter what, I could be something greater than anyone ever expected!" Touya clutches at his hands, a death grip that stills N, freezing his soul. Each word falls like a hammer, and N listens. This is Touya in his rawest form, no fake smile or rehearsed speech. His voice is trembling but strong, a clot of tears threatening to spill out with every word._

"_So, thank you, N. But I…," and it's this addition in Touya's words that has N trying to grasp at air as the other pulls away. He removes his hat in one quick swipe, and suddenly N can see again, the clearness in the other's eyes now, the dewy gleam of unshed tears._

_But Touya is smiling, truly smiling at him; there is no hollowness or sewn facsimiles. He thinks he should be used to it by now, but N finds himself dazzled and all he can think about is that he wants to hold hands again and grasp on to the other for eternity._

"_I love this place. If I could, I would stay here forever, and live by the beach. I would walk along the docks every day, and I would eat ice cream with all of my friends. I'd get a job and work with pokemon, and when I grow old, I'd want to sit and watch the sunsets from my porch. And when I die, I want my ashes spread to the sea; so that they can travel anywhere in the world and it'd still feel like home._

"_But…it's not what I really want. That's the dream my sister and I had when we were still very little. And I think more than anything it's what she wants. I'm different from her, though. Sometimes it feels like it would be better to be the same, but…," Touya is fumbling for words again. It's the most N has ever seen Touya talk without pause, and something like pride and confusion mixes in his chest._

"_Touya—"_

"_Wait! L-let me finish…," Touya plows ahead, resolve finalized in his stance. The very first time Touya asserts himself, and N is stunned speechless. The other takes in a deep breath, and the tears well in his eyes again._

"_N…I want you to know…that I don't see you as just some puppet. You're the most honest person I've ever met, and the best friend I've ever had. I wish you could see what I see in you…_

"_And I just…I've been meaning to say…to tell you…that…I…I…," Touya pauses and furrows his brows, a hand reaching up to grasp at his chest. It's a lot harder to say than he thought it would be, the words resting at the very tip of his tongue, before tumbling back down his throat. He breaks eye contact, shaking. He can't do it. A hot coal of guilt builds in his gut, but he shoves it aside._

_N can practically see Touya keeping something from him, but before he can question it, the other bursts out._

"_I'm leaving. Unova, I mean."_

"_But why?" N explodes, grabbing the other's hand. Somehow it's shocking to think of Touya as gone, in some other part of the world where N might not be able to find him. All this time, N has relied upon the fact that Touya would always be there whenever he came back. But now—!_

_Touya can only smile at him. The tears begin to slide out of his eyes, unbidden, and glisten in beads against his skin. Before N realizes what's happening, Touya's hat, along with five miniaturized pokeballs are placed into his hands, weighing heavily like stones and hot to the touch with Touya's warmth._

"_Please take care of them. Don't cry, please," and N realizes with a jolt that his vision has blurred. How strange. How odd. He hugs Touya; clenches the shorter boy to him in a death grip. He wonders if this is how Touya felt when he had left him behind: lost and a little more than heartbroken._

"_I'll come back, so don't cry. This isn't goodbye forever."_

"_But why?" he sobs, and Touya goes limp in his arms, ear leaned against his heart. He wants Touya to feel it, the beats, each and every one screaming at him not to leave._

"_Because…I don't know who I am anymore."_

_They stand like that for a while, holding on tightly to each other. The sun sets. The wind grows cold. N clings to his only friend, and wishes that he could see the stars. But nothing shows through the black skies and light pollution of Castelia._

_Finally, he pulls away, face itching and throat sore. Touya reaches up and ruffles his hair, and he just wants to laugh and cry at the absurdity of it all. "N…don't give up, okay? Don't give up your dreams. Someday, we'll meet again. Then you can give me back my hat and my friends. Just…think of them as things…that I'll always come back for. I'm counting on you."_

_He nods and steps back as Touya passes him, back straight and face set into a tiny, almost unnoticeable smile._

_N whispers, "I'll see you there."_

_And it's enough._

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Kanto is almost stifling in the way its roads and people sprawl around him. He's reminded of Unova with its bustle and skyscrapers, but somehow, the people here are much quieter. As though being energetic is an almost-taboo. He misses the loud, happy chatter and interesting characters that line the streets in every corner of Unova, the smells of lush forest and desert. Each night he dreams of climbing the Dragonspiral Tower or rocking along in the ferris wheel of Nimbasa, Touya sitting silently across from him.

He's taken to daydreaming as well, of what it would be like if he and Touya could start over again; be beside each other as they travelled across Unova, winning battles and gaining friends, seeing cities and searching ruins for forgotten treasure, walking Victory Road together. He wants it slow, so that every step of the way they can absorb everything, of the world around them and of each other.

He's sitting on a bench in Viridian City, staring blankly at the map spread on his lap, when an oddity occurs. A shadow falls upon him, dark and looming, and as N looks up he observes a pair of long legs covered in cargo pants, which morph into a gray jacket, and then the face of a young, brown-haired man. He looks vaguely familiar, but N can't quite recall where he's seen him before.

"You okay?" the stranger gruffly asks, eyeing him skeptically. It's been so long since he's had someone randomly come up and begin talking to him that N isn't quite sure how to answer. For most of his journey, he's avoided strangers and taken lesser-known paths, always keeping in mind that he's a wanted person (maybe they won't prosecute him if the authorities ever catch him, but he won't take the chance). The only people that ever manage to get a word from him are the nurses at the various pokemon centers he's visited and the occasional mart cashier.

"…fine," he finally replies after contemplating what this man could possibly want. The man shifts, face slowly morphing into a scowl before glancing over to N's side. N glances over as well, observing as his friend, Zoroark, pops a particularly large snot bubble as its head lolls to the side in slumber.

"What the hell is that? Is it yours?" the stranger bluntly asks, voice showing no surprise.

N bristles, "_He's_ Zoroark, and he's my friend. He likes to take naps."

The other raises an eyebrow before shrugging, "Whatever. Anyway, he's freaking everyone out." Except he's not pointing to Zoroark, but the Haxorus donning a tophat and cane a little ways away.

"Ah," N watches as the large dragon-type begins tap-dancing. "He enjoys tap-dancing and theater. He is Touya's friend."

"…uh-huh," the man replies, deadpan. "And that thing?" He gestures to Reshiram, who has taken up perching on the local gym's roof in the distance.

"That's Reshiram. He likes sunbathing and long walks on the beach."

"Look, I'm not here to listen to dating profiles. I'm here to tell you to get your damn pokemon back in their balls before I actually have to do something about it," the man snorts and crosses his arms, glaring down at N as though he's the cause of all his troubles in the world. Maybe he is, since the other mutters, "Can't believe they woke me up for this crap. One uninterrupted hour of sleep is all I ask for! Arceus I can't even get through one nap…"

"And who are you that you can do something about it?" N questions, a flicker of amusement tilting his lips up. Part of him wants to be offended at this stranger's rudeness, but the other half is oddly amused.

The man snorts, "Don't you know anything? Do you know what city you're in, or even what region?" At N's silence, he heaves a great, world-weary sigh. "You really remind me of someone that annoys me to no end. It's like you're in your own little world. Fucking annoying…"

The stranger goes on grumbling to himself, even as his phone rings and he flicks it from his pocket with practiced ease and answers, "Can't believe that prick—Yeah, what do you need? More? Really?" He looks at N once more, eyeing him up and down. "I have the trainer in front of me. Probably. Yes. Just shut up, alright? Am I the only one with a brain here?"

He snaps the phone shut and sighs again. N has the urge to ask him why he seems so…so…he's not quite sure. He gets the impression that the other is simultaneously aggravated, amused, and flattered with how important he seems.

He turns to N and smirks, shaking his head, "They can't do anything without me. Anyway, there are more reports of strange creatures running around town. There's a giant turtle in the fountains, some pre-historic bird hanging off a traffic light, a chandelier off of Fern street, and a floating green sac juggling over by town hall. I assume they're yours. C'mon, get your ass moving."

This is how N meets Green, the gym leader of Viridian City and former champion of the Indigo Plateau. It feels strange to view someone so young as a champion (because that's what Green is, in all respects, even if it was for only five minutes; and honestly, _he's_ in the same boat, since Touya defeated him); Alder presented such an imposing figure, it's almost laughable to compare a teenaged boy to him. After rounding up all of his friends and Touya's team, Green invites him to dinner.

"Why?" he asks, and Green can only reply with, "Because I said so. Honestly, you and him…it's like pulling teeth to get you guys to do anything…"

Green is funny in the fact that what he says and what he does, and what he wants to do but doesn't, is all very plain to see. N hasn't had so much fun examining a person's personality in a long time. The other speaks excessively of a mysterious 'Red,' whom, for all intents and purposes, N now feels like he's known forever with the way Green goes on about him.

The way Green speaks of him, half-annoyed and just slightly fond, N can't help but think that there's something more to the story. The line between friend and foe is blurred, as he skips from talking about how Red hates the peels on his apples to how he thrashed the other the first time they battled. Friendly facts to obnoxious disdain to intimate details, words that the other is unaware are slipping from his mouth.

Somewhere along the line, N feels more like a piece of furniture than a guest, but before long Green has dinner placed in front of him. It appears as some sort of mash, with meaty chunks floating along here and there, tiny, half-thawed peas bobbing in-between grains of burnt rice. The liquid this feast is submerged in is a mysterious, unappetizing shade of orange.

"How do you survive?" N asks, poking at his bowl's contents.

"I eat out," and that's all that really needs to be said as Green spoons this abomination into his mouth, gags, and falls to the floor.

They eat s'mores for dinner, as strange as it sounds. Green has an unhealthy stock of chocolate bars, a box of stale graham crackers, and tiny marshmallows that they roast over open candle flames on toothpicks. It's comfortable and strange; N isn't quite sure how to handle himself, and the message flashes in his mind, _is this what it's like to be normal?_

If it is, N feels compelled to continue. Terms like 'friendship,' and 'bonding,' are relative to him; with pokemon, it is always the simple action of talk and set free. That is how he creates his bonds, by proving he is worthy of their trust. But with humans…they're different, and his first ever reference is a shy boy named Touya, who can't say no to anyone. Are they normal? Surely they didn't laugh as much at jokes or certain circumstances, nor did they share in any sort of ritualistic time together beyond meeting, talking about philosophy, and battling. Are they friends?

Are he and Touya not friends?

"Hey lima bean, you okay?" Green asks, tapping his forehead. N has turned pale in the middle of a spiel about the interrelation between mathematical formulas and nature, face slack in horror.

.

.

.

_The first day of Touya's departure, N remains at the docks, staring into the distance. He's numb on the inside, but it's okay. He doesn't want to think. He sits and sits, only getting up when various bodily needs must be met, but otherwise, he returns to the same spot. Because Touya will come back, and if he's not there, then how will he ever find N?_

_The second day, it rains, and N peers to the clouds, water stinging his eyes. He prays to drown._

_The third day, N wakes in the pokemon center, an anxious audino peering over him. He sleeps and sleeps, and dreams of brown eyes and Ferris wheels, before things flicker and change, and N is staring down as Touya falls through a deep and bottomless abyss. He sleeps, and does not wish to wake._

_On the ninth day, N is discharged from the center with a stern warning from the head nurse. N starts walking._

_The first week, N is in denial. For the second week, all he can feel is anger. He walks and walks, and the days sink behind him as he treks to the east. He wants to blame something or someone, but all he can think of is himself. But Touya told him to believe in himself; that he's not to blame at all._

_The third week, N stops being angry, and instead pleads for Touya to come back. But he doesn't._

_The fourth week, N stops caring altogether. He releases Touya's pokemon from their balls. Zekrom, Haxorus, Chandelure, Reuniclus, and Krookodile stare at him, and N notes with some wonder that the one pokemon that Touya chose is his ever loyal Samurott._

"_You can go now," he says, as flatly as possible; non-negotiable._

"Where is Touya?"_the Haxorus asks._

"_Gone. He went away. So you're free now. Go."_

"I don't believe it, I don't believe him,"_the Reuniclus whispers, the words resounding in everyone's minds._

_N wants to leave, wants to just keep moving on, no matter how wrong it feels. He wants nothing left of Touya. He wants to dream freely again, and think towards a future that isn't clouded in doubt._

_But it's Zekrom's eyes that still him, the knowing gaze. The legend does not need words to display his disapproval. N feels nothing and everything at the same time._

_The fifth week, N buys bags and bags of food to accommodate an eleven-man team._

_He looks at each and every friend he has, conversing so freely with each other. The new ones still look around for their trainer from time to time, and Zekrom always lurks silently in the background, holding quiet conversations with Reshiram._

_Until finally:_

"Will you go after him?"_Zekrom asks, once the others have fallen asleep._

_N, leaning quietly against Reshiram, glances up, "I don't know."_

"Do you want to, then?"

"_I…"_

"As the hero of truth, I suggest you seek out the truth of your heart, and not the dull facts of your mind."

_N hums, closing his eyes. For hours, he contemplates the feelings swirling around inside his chest, until he eventually falls asleep._

_He dreams of Touya. But unlike before, Touya does not stare quietly and accept his fate. He runs, and N follows. Through forests and deserts and seas of grass, through mountain paths and caves, up stairs and along hallways until at last they are within that cursed throne room once more. Touya stands at the opening in the wall, jacket fluttering against the wind._

"Do you regret meeting me?"_Touya asks. Except it's not Touya's familiar voice calling to him, but Zekrom's._

_He answers anyway, "No, never!"_

"Then why do you keep running away?"_Touya jumps, and before N can run, they're seated in the spacious booth of the Nimbasa Ferris wheel._

"_I'm not running away," N replies._

"_Then why won't you look me in the eyes?" Touya asks, sitting back in the darkness of the booth._

"_It's not that…I just, can't see them…"_

"_Are you sure that it's because you_can't_, or is it because you_won't_?" he shifts out from the darkness, brim of his cap concealing the majority of his face._

"_It's because…I…" the other comes up to N's chest and leans in, ear to heart._

"_Because I…," but N doesn't know what to say. Why? Why is it so hard?_

_They stay like that, for minutes or eternity, N isn't sure. Eventually, he pulls Touya's hat away and digs his hands in the other's hair, and in response, Touya places his palm right over N's heart._

"_Can you feel it?" he asks, pressing in. "Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean I'm gone forever. You can always see me, right here."_

"_But it's so hard to believe it. I don't know how to go on."_

_Touya lifts his head, and N sees those beautiful eyes once more, gleaming, even in the dark. He sees stars. The other scoffs before smiling, "You're so strange, N. Just keep walking. Don't give up. That's what you taught me."_

_N laughs; cups the other's face, "No, Touya. That's what_you_taught_me_."_

_The dream ends._

_On the sixth week, N flies Reshiram away from Unova, in search of a brilliant star._

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.

.

Green has the tendency of always trying to actively make himself as rude as possible. N thinks it silly, but he figures it's a matter of pride for the other; to appear tough and untouchable. It usually ends with Green calling him a derisive name involving a color reference to N's hair.

N chews on his lip for a moment, before blurting out, "Are you and Red friends?"

Green blinks, guffaws, and then smacks him upside the head, "No. Friends with that idiot? Never. He's too stupid to even breathe normal levels of oxygen like the rest of us humans down on the ground, let alone interact in a friendly manner."

Green is not as good at hiding the fondness in his voice as he likes to think.

"Oh," N sighs. "I was just thinking…you talk about him a lot. Like you know him very well. Were you friends, at least at some point in your life?"

"I…yeah. When we were little," Green blinks and scratches the back of his head. "I guess we were really close until…well, Red started to be really distant at some point. And when he did that, I think it started me on really hating him, because the idiot would just stare at me and turn away, like he didn't even care. It annoyed the fuck out of me, so we became rivals when we first received our starters.

"I guess there was other stuff, too…believe it or not, I was the kind of kid that always got great marks on everything I did. Red was just average, but my gramps always treated him so much better than me. That old bastard even forgot my name!"

N snorts out a laugh and Green chucks the bag of marshmallows at him across the dining room table. "Shut up, I'm trying to be deep, you piece of shit grass blade!"

"Anyway," he blushes and fumbles to open a semi-melted bar of chocolate, breaking the pieces off one by one. "After the first time we fought, Red never lost to me again. I could see it in the way he battled; he always worked extra hard to beat me…kinda frustrating and flattering at the same time. We inevitably battled at the Pokemon League, after I had just won the title from the previous champion. And it's not like what everyone says! I totally held my ground for a while. It actually came down to my eevee and his pikachu, but…well. You know how it ends. He went to be a mountain man, I got to scoop up his leftovers."

Green lets the bitterness hang in the air like an acrid tang. N can compare it to his own defeat; all of his dreams, just within reach, and then Touya appeared and destroyed every hope and illusion he had. But at length, Green merely sighs and pops a piece of chocolate into his mouth.

"It's not like I hate him…just can't believe my gramps had the gall to start lecturing me on what a terrible trainer I was in front of him. I mean, the champion title doesn't just fall out of the sky, am I right?" he looks at N, exasperated. N nods his head to humor him. "Right! I am totally a great trainer! The old fart just earned himself one less person to look after his decrepit ass when he finally turns senile.

"But yeah…Red and I as…friends?" he licks his fingers and turns his head to the overhanging lights in his cramped apartment. He looks wistful for a moment. "I dunno…too much history, maybe…or maybe not enough."

And the way he says it, N gets the impression that Green is denying himseof the words he truly wants to say. Green and Red, he muses, seem very much like a lock and a key. One cannot work without the other. Green sits alone in a cramped apartment that he could easily move out of, and Red disappears to a place of solitude and isolation. They are two halves of a whole, but with a jagged, impenetrable line cut in-between.

"What about you, spinach-head?" Green asks, trying to divert the line of questioning. His face struggles to look untroubled, and N obliges him.

"Well, the reason I asked about you and Red is…I have a friend, too. I think so, anyway. His name is Touya, and he and I were destined to face each other on opposing sides of a war," Green stares at him, not impressed by the explanation.

"Let me guess. He had sex with your sister and now she's pregnant, but not with his child. It's his twin brother Fernando who's done the devilish act, while your father lies in the hospital, also pregnant."

"I…what?"

"W-when there aren't any trainers in the afternoon, uh, I have a lot of free time. And the TV is always stuck on some stupid soap I can't be bothered to change because the remote is always gone," N slowly nods. Green shoves another piece of chocolate in his mouth.

"It's nothing like that," N coughs. "It's just…how do you tell if you're friends with someone?"

N tells Green everything. It's the longest he's talked in a long time; the words fall from his mouth in waves. His companion has to tell him to slow down sometimes, but N plows ahead. Each painful secret, every agonizing moment. He speaks of Team Plasma and foiled dreams, of boys with sunset eyes and dragons fated to fight a battle meaningless in value. Green listens with the slightest smirk on his face as he describes to him every minute detail about Touya that he can recall, his smiles and his command of battle, his friends, the way he always gets lost; about the sunlight in his hair, his willingness to listen, his kind words to N, even as he forced the other to battle him in a duel to determine whether or not Unova could remain united with pokemon.

He tells him the story of how Touya at once saved him and lost his own sense of identity along the way.

"This sounds like something a little beyond friendship, if you ask me. Like, you're thicker than molasses," Green finally says.

"What do you mean?" N asks, and Green makes to throw the still-burning candle at him. He ducks under the table, and doesn't emerge until he hears the clear thunk of Green setting it down again.

"I'll let you figure it out," Green sighs. "It's not my place to mess with 'affairs of the heart,' as that damn Lyra would put it. She uses that same shit term on me, but the girl is crazy. There's a reason she likes calling people at three in the morning and telling them how much she enjoys playing with her marill."

"That sounds terrible."

"I try not to think about it."

"So…"

"So," Green helpfully responds. He stands from the table and stretches before beginning to gather the remnants of their meal.

"Are Touya and I friends?" N asks, and Green rolls his eyes.

"Look, I'm not a life counselor. Your situation sounds pretty fucked up, and as amazing as I am, I can't really deal with emotionally damaged crap. Got it?" Green shoves all of the empty wrappers in the trash and returns the leftover chocolate to his stash. "You and this Touya guy are friends. If he's still talking to you, then it should be pretty obvious. The question is: what are you going to do about it?"

"…do…about it?" N parrots. What could be done about it? Touya is his friend, even though they'd been through so much, even when he had basically betrayed the other boy. A happy little bubble inside his stomach grows. He has the insane urge to hug Green, but he isn't sure if it's from elation or the sugar rush he's suddenly experiencing.

"What the hell is with that face?" Green sneers. He washes his hands and watches as N's hands begin shaking. "Ugh, kids these days," he sighs, which is hilarious to N, since they're probably about the same age. "Look, broccoli-face. When the person you want to see is gone and hasn't come back, what ya have to do is go and find them. Which you have been, I guess, but seriously? How do you ever expect to catch up when you have no clue where he could have gone?"

N smiles, "Speaking from personal experience?" Green splutters and chucks a soggy dishrag at him. Even as the towel splatters against the wall next to his head and begins its squelching descent to the floor, he continues. "I have a bit of an idea. He seems to go for places that provide a challenge to travel through. And personally, I think that he's maybe hoping to run into people in similar situations. I hear that introverts like to stay in hard-to-get places."

"Pfft, you can say that again," Green agrees, sitting down across form him again. "From what I hear, Ethan, the current Indigo League champion, likes cycling through Johto and Kanto, but he spends a lot of time at the Whirl islands and the Ruins of Alph. Ruby, the champion over in Hoenn, likes the Sky Pillar and deep-sea diving. Don't even get me started on the champion from Sinnoh…

"It's just like, once these guys become champions, all of a sudden it's like the world is too much for them. I get that they just realized their ultimate dream and all, but you'd think they could maybe bask in it for a bit…," Green scoffs.

"Maybe they just don't know what to do with themselves," N reasons, leaning back in his chair.

His words make Green sit up, attentive, "I guess. When I was champion, I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. Even after Red beat me, I sorta just…looked around me, wondering what I was supposed to do now that Red had the title. I didn't feel like training more, but all I had devoted my life to was becoming the League champ. I spent a long time at home, just asking myself what I'd do now that everything was over.

"That was before they asked me to become the gym leader here. I accepted because it seemed like the only thing I could do," he explains, scratching his cheek in contemplation. The way he says it though, N can tell that Green isn't quite content. He's settled into the old foundation of an abandoned post, but there are still growing pains. It's cramped in this small city, too small for someone as big as Green. N has a feeling that the only thing strong enough to contain him is a boy named Red. "I guess…I can understand why they keep running from responsibility."

N nods. The problem with dreams, he realizes, is that no one ever quite thinks of the fall out after everything is said and done. He, too, had run. He spent long hours flying atop Reshiram, looking at the world below and contemplating things like existence and purpose, and whether useless puppets that can't even pass for proper humans deserve to live. Eventually, thoughts of Touya had brought him back to earth, but just as he believed he could settle with the knowledge that maybe the world can't be separated into black and white and that he's okay so long as Touya is there, the other up and left.

"So you think it's okay that I'm chasing after him now?" he finally asks.

Green snorts, "It's not my business what you two get up to in your own time. Just no public indecency where I can see it." At the other's blank look, he really does chuck the candle at him. "For someone able to expunge upon me the relevance of string theory as a casual conversation topic, you sure are dense. Go on. Find him. Let him know that at least someone in this godforsaken world kinda cares for him. Heaven knows that asshole just left me in the dust."

Green continues to grumble on, as usual, and N proceeds to tune him out. In the end, he's glad he met Green. He's interesting and smart enough to keep up with him, but different enough in conversation to bring about new points of view. He hates Red (so he says), but loves to talk about him, and is horrible at cooking. He has a terrible sweet tooth, and is as rude as can be, but somewhere within the narcissism and conceited attitude, N can tell there is the heart of a boy growing into a respectable man, waiting for the time when he too can learn to move on.

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.

.

_N flies._

_N dreams._

_N searches._

_And with each and every step, he learns._

_If there is ever anything that N lacked, it was the experience of hardship on a greater scale than to his psyche. When he runs out of money, he finds himself scrounging for food in the brush; when his clothes are tattered and worn, he searches for throw-away articles in the trash; when he requires shelter from the elements, he holes up in a pokemon center, making use of their free services._

_When it becomes too unbearable to live without money, no food to be found and his friends shivering with cold, he battles for money._

_N had once been able to proudly say that he never battled, for profit or pleasure. But now…he can understand the necessity in a trainer's journey, to fight and win at all costs, to survive until the next center comes into view. He would have once said that his life as King of Team Plasma was not easy, but now he realizes that he feasted on delicacies and ate with silver, slept on silk, and merely contemplated the wrongs of the world and never experienced them._

_There are times that N wonders what has become of his old values. Where are his words of compassion and wisdom, to always put pokemon first? His heart grows cold each time he thinks of how much his priorities have changed. That is, until one night, when he confides his darkest fears with Zoroark._

"Oh, N,"_Zoroark sighs, whapping the other on his head with his paw._"No one is ever perfect. Just because it seems like we're suffering, doesn't mean that we are."

"_How can that be?" N pleads, rubbing his head. "You're all thinner than when we started out! And sometimes I can't find firewood, so you're all cold, so I keep you in your pokeballs, but I know that you guys hate it in there! And when you get sick and injured, sometimes it's days before I can get to a center…"_

_Zoroark gives him a flat stare,_"N, sometimes, your idiot leaks out of your brain and onto the floor."

"_Wuh?"_

"This is the most alive I've felt in ages,"_Zoroark sniffs._"Sure it's not a cushy castle, but I think everyone here agrees that this—"_he gestures to the clearing they're in, to the sleepy faces of the pokemon curled up on the ground,_"This is living. It's the hard times that make living worthwhile, N."

_N bristles, "But you're all in pain!"_

_Zoroark quickly taps the other's forehead, snickering,_"This is not suffering, N. To suffer would be if this occurred to us, and you didn't care. The fact that you do care…it proves that you haven't lost your dream.

"Pain is life, N. Smothering us with down pillows and warmth is not doing us any kind of service. In the absence of comfort, we breathe and pray for better times, and when those times do arrive, we can grasp them with our hearts that much more strongly."

_The other's words strike N silent, their meaning reverberating throughout his mind. Pain and life? Were these lessons he had never learned under the wing of Ghetsis?_

"And think of Touya,"_Zoraoark chides, petting N's head in comfort (his old friend can be struck dumb with just the silliest of thoughts, can't he?)._"Touya has lived like this for a long time. Don't you think that every word and gesture he expressed personified his experiences? We can't be perfect, but we can try. Touya knew this, and kept moving forward.

"If Touya can, I think you can, too, N."

_And what can N do against that but smile and agree?_

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.

.

The final part of N's journey takes place on a sunny June day, the quiet of Mt. Silver permeating the atmosphere.

N can practically feel the snow-capped mountain before him breathing, in and out through its many caves; it boasts the sleep of giants who have crushed trainers wandering too far in without ever realizing it.

N would have been afraid, once upon a time, to venture into such a place. This is a region where not even he can make conversation and reason to the vicious pokemon residing here. But if there's one thing he's learned throughout his journey, it's that his friends are tougher than he thought, and can take care of themselves with ease.

Normally, he would have flown Reshiram up to the mountain's peak, but something within tells him that Mt. Silver is not to be skipped. Trainers come here to find absolution within themselves and to prove their strength, not to cheat their way to the top.

So, N walks. Throughout the darkness within the caves, and past the freezing cold outside. The path winds and twists, and several times he becomes lost, but always his friends are there to guide his way back. Even when it seems impossible, he always finds a way.

He keeps going, because he knows that Touya, too, had taken this very same path.

And when he does reach the summit, battered and bruised, but stronger for it…

Touya is here.

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.

"_Don't worry. I'll always stay with you, so you never feel lonely. I promise, okay?"_

"_You made me feel like I matter. You made me believe that no matter what, I could be something greater than anyone ever expected!"_

"_I'll come back, so don't cry. This isn't goodbye forever."_

"_N…don't give up, okay? Don't give up your dreams. Someday, we'll meet again…"_

"_You're so strange, N. Just keep walking. Don't give up. That's what you taught me."_

"_Go on. Find him. Let him know that at least someone in this godforsaken world kinda cares for him."_

"_Pain is life, N. Smothering us with down pillows and warmth is not doing us any kind of service. In the absence of comfort, we breathe and pray for better times, and when those times do arrive, we can grasp them with our hearts that much more strongly."_

_That much more strongly._

_And it's enough._

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.

.

Touya has grown taller, is the first thing N registers. His old clothes are ill-fitting, and his jacket and pants faded and worn through. His shoes are new, and his hair trimmed slightly shorter than usual.

But it is Touya who turns to greet him, and Touya who smiles warmly, like all the distance and all the time spent are nothing but dust on the wind.

"You came," he says simply, as though they are the most profound words in the world. But N can see through it, the worry and the tears and above all the longing, tucked beneath every syllable.

"I missed you," N says in return. He chokes back a sob of relief, the pieces of his heart mending together again into a mostly whole. He can never quite be complete (there are too many chips and too many cracks in too many different places for him to ever feel entirely perfect); but, it's there: the knowledge that everything is right with the world.

He doesn't run to Touya, whom stands on a plateau overlooking the world beyond Mt. Silver tinged in sunset colors and silver-blacks, but walks, steady and even, to his rightful place at the other's side. Because standing beside Touya, he realizes, feels just like home.

They keep a contemplative silence, each examining the other's ragged clothes and wind burned cheeks, calloused palms and eyes just a tiny bit wearier.

"Did you manage to find yourself?" N finally asks.

"No," Touya replies, amused smile flickering across his face behind a chuckle. "It feels like I found everything but. It was fun, though, meeting new people, seeing new places.

"I think the thing that scared me most was becoming stagnant and forgotten," he admits. "I didn't want to be left behind, so it felt like the only option was to run ahead of everyone. Do you…think it was wrong of me?"

"Wrong?" N parrots. "I don't think there is a right answer. But, just know that I support the decision you made."

"Really?"

"Really," N smiles. "You've changed. The Touya I know is very quiet, and his greatest enemy is speaking confidently. He's also really short, and doesn't smile a lot."

Touya gasps, then lightly punches N's arm, "I am _not_ short!" He can't quite keep his pout on long enough though to convey his anger, a smile leaking its way across his face. He laughs, carefree, and it echoes on the still air of a sleeping giant.

"Maybe I have changed," he concedes. "But so have you."

N pauses and looks down at himself. How? He still wears the same style of clothes. The same hat. Same necklace. He's still the same size and shape. His hair isn't any darker or lighter than usual, nor fluffier or lankier. He looked in the mirror just yesterday and saw the same face, with the very same eyes and nose and mouth.

But inside, he feels different. He breathes differently, remembers differently. His heart beats, but now it does not wail, it sings. He has lived through pain, dined upon it, slept through it. He feels stronger.

"So I have," N concludes.

"When I came here, a trainer with the most amazing red eyes challenged me to a battle," Touya says, out of the blue. "I asked him why I had to fight, and he told me I didn't, but that it seemed like the only reason people climbed the mountain was to fight him. I told him that the only reason I had climbed to the summit was to see if I could reach the top.

"When he heard that, he told me he had to challenge me to a battle. So we fought, and it was the most amazing thing. He was strong, a lot stronger than me. But somehow, I kept telling my pokemon to keep trying, and the battle went on and on. It felt like a battle of wills.

"He won eventually, of course," Touya sighs. "I've never met someone so incredibly powerful. He told me after, that it was because of this power that he kept himself here. He was afraid, he told me, of becoming a monster."

"Where is he now?"

"Well…after the battle, we talked for a while. Um, well, I did most of the talking. He was really quiet," Touya scratches his head. N wants to laugh at the other's face, as put-out as it is. "I was talking about you, and how I was thinking of heading back to Unova soon, when he stood up and asked me if I thought it would be hard to face you again." Touya laughs. "He acted like leaving would mean that people would never want to see me again…

"But I think that it gave him confidence. He left here just yesterday. He said that it was about time he saw some people he left behind."

"Hm," N gets the distinct impression he knows of whom Touya is speaking; green eyes and a sharp wit flash through his mind. "Oh…"

"Yes?" Touya asks, absentminded; his eyes stray to the distance, where night swallows the horizon.

"Here," N says, and pulls from his battered sling bag five pokeballs and a slightly crumpled hat. Touya smiles. He holds the balls fondly, rubbing the red caps on each one, and then reverently places the old hat on his head.

"It's funny," Touya laughs. "After all this time of not wearing it, it's almost become uncomfortable. But I'll get used to it."

They lapse into a comfortable lull, soaking in the evening air. The sun sets. The wind grows colder. N clenches his numb fingers in his pocket. Then, without much thought or reason, he grasps Touya's cool, dangling hand within his own. Touya shudders before melting into it, allows his side to fall into N.

"The stars look so close here," Touya sighs. "Like I could touch them, or hold them in my hands. The stars are the one thing that didn't change, no matter where I went. They were always there above me.

"I wasn't able…to find the me I had once been," Touya clenches his hand just a bit more tightly in N's. "Each time I looked in a mirror, I saw someone so entirely different from how I felt inside…I hated myself. I felt angry.

"But…I think it's okay now. I think…I just needed to grow up a little bit, like growing into a bigger pair of shoes," he looked to N, smiling. "I'll probably always wonder about who I could have been. But now…now I can get past it. I can think that, if I didn't become who I am today, then you wouldn't be here beside me."

"I understand," N says. And he does. Each word. Every word. "I think that all we can do is keep moving forward. Together."

"Yeah," Touya holds his hand that much tighter. "I promise to stay with you, for as long as you'll have me, N."

"Forever, then," N insists.

Touya smiles, "Forever."

And perhaps it's not the final part of N's journey after all.

In fact, it feels very much like a new beginning.

And it's enough, for the both of them.

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**the end**

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Holy crap, Batman! That was super long…

So, I'm sure there are a whole lot of questions. Like, how did Touya manage to get around everywhere when he didn't have any other pokemon besides Samurott? _Magic!_ Why did Touya get Samurott, I always thought he went better with Snivy/Tepig? _I like Samurott, that guy is the shizznit._ Why the heck is the main character named Touya? _Because Hilbert is a stupid name._ Is all the information on the different regions accurate? _Yes, because I'm a nerd and did research on Bulbapedia. Only a nerd finds pleasure in pulling up random articles on Bulbapedia to pass the time._ Why did so many weird things happen in this story the way they did? _Because I suck at story-telling and I probably should have written a novelization of the game using my head-canon before I actually wrote this story and posted it for people to see._ Why did Green get so much screen time? _Because…I'm not quite sure. Comic relief? To create a foil to N's character? Because I decided that adding in some hinted Originalshipping would be pwnsome? The story kinda just got away from me._

I realize some stuff doesn't get explained very thoroughly, like why the White Forest burned down (honestly, that was a bit of revenge on my part, since my White Forest was always empty no matter how fast I got there), where the hell that Budew went, what Touya got up to in his journey, and the portrayal I took with Touya's relationships with his friends and his personality. Uh. My head-canon. It speaks to me. It tells me that Touya is a bit of a woobie.

And honestly, was it just me, or did it seem like a vast majority of the time, the main character in the game is kinda…_forced_ into every situation? N just randomly comes up and declares you his friend, Team Plasma always attacks you, you run around doing the gym leaders' bidding before they let you fight them, N suddenly decides to make you the other Hero and chase after him or else he will attempt to pull pokemon away from people…I dunno, there just seem like a lot of instances where you aren't given a choice as to whether or not you want to participate.

Anyway, yeah. I haven't read a story like this yet that is told almost totally in N's point of view. And I understand why now. This crap was hard. Also, I've never read a story talking about Touya leaving on a soul-search journey instead of a journey looking for N. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of the stories out right now; I just. I need to fulfill my imagination.

If any of you readers enjoyed this story, drop a review please! I'd like to know if I didn't completely desecrate the Pokemon world. I've honestly contemplated creating my own novelization of the game, or at least more one shots. And maybe write a companion piece to this story told from Touya's point of view, to wrap up some of the loose ends.

Anyway, thank you for reading if you've gotten down this far! Maybe I'll see you guys again!


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